2nd Hand Advice

Today is January 17, 2011, the 82^nd birthday of Martin Luther King Jr.  This day we celebrate is a national holiday, where we stop and remember the great man he was.  Forty three years after his death, we are still reminded of how great he was and the transformative impact he had on society.  I can’t think of another person, and certainly no other with whom we have honored with a national holiday, that has caused a nation to really look at itself and ask: is this the best we can do?

We are a great nation with a proud history, but one that is also painful.  The pain of our collective existence through the years from slavery through the civil rights movement through to the most pressing social ills of today, has co-existed alongside great accomplishments and achievement.  From the founding of our nation, to the building of our great institutions, to the progression into a society that has seen amazing technological advances, we have somehow continued to work together day in and day out to try to perfect this place we call America.

This pain reminds us our progress did not come easy and the work ahead seems ever the more challenging.  In the 1960’s, in the middle of perhaps one of the ugliest periods in recent memory for our country, we learned that the promises, dreams and hopes that were ours whether by birthright, by law, or by divine right, could be denied and they were.  We learned they could be surpressed and they were.  We learned they could be taken away and they were.  But it took one man, the truth that all men are created equal, and the ideal that we could use love and non-violence as a unifying force, to awakened the moral consciousness of a nation to do the right thing and remember why it existed. 

For African Americans, one of the fundamental lessons of this part of our history, which Dr. King taught us through word and action, was that no progress comes by itself.  Justice did not happen by itself.  We had to take charge of our God given destiny, and attack the work that needed to be done to continue perfecting the promise of America. For all Americans, that work and call for action still resonates on this day. We must hunker down on the most pressing issues of the day, whether it’s striving for higher levels of racial reconciliation, transforming men and women who are incarcerated, eliminating poverty, eradicating fatherlessness, educating the un-educated, or ensuring growth and opportunity for every child in America.  All of these require our best, most focused, energetic, and enthusiastic participation. 

Dr. King also taught us that we cannot become great unless we become great together.  That will be our greatest challenge.  To find that place where we are all able to put aside ideology, anger, our differences, and find common purpose in creating a society in which it is impossible to tolerate pain, suffering, and dysfunction.  That is Dr. King’s continuing legacy to us: not just in what he did, but what he taught us about ourselves and what we can become.

The kingdom of God is like making up in a broken relationship.

A once happy, fulfilling relationship between man and woman ended in heartbreak.  He did something that hurt her in a very bad way.  She was visibly stricken.  It might have been easily forgiven if he had just apologized in that moment.

He knew what he did was wrong, but couldn’t bring himself to admit it.  To make matters worse, in his arrogance and insensitivity, he tried to argue he did it and nothing was wrong with what he did.

Time went by.  They remained separated even longer.  Deep down in his soul, he knew she was the one for him.  There was no denying it.  He couldn’t stop thinking about her.  She loved him too and never forgot him.  But she knew she could not take him back.  The emotional scars were deep and a rebound would bring back too many painful memories.

We too became separated from God as a result of one terrible thing done long ago.  Adam’s singular act of defiance and disobedience forever marked mankind with a sin nature, a propensity to be disobedient and do things that damage our relationship with God.

But God still loves us and wants us back.  Unlike the woman, he devised a way for us to come back and re-enter the wonderful joyous relationship we once had before sin entered.  He offered up his son Jesus Christ as an offering to pay the penalty for the sins we still commit that keep us separated from Him.  All we have to do is accept Christ as Lord and savior.

The bible says confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, and you shall be saved.   When you do this, you can once again enjoy a fulfilling, loving, personal relationship with God.  You can rest assure that your sins have been forgiven and you will enjoy eternal life.

One last point. You might wonder why you need to do all of that to get back with God.  The answer is you don’t have the right to determine how to come to God.  No more than the man has the right to determine how he will come back to his soul mate.  She sets those conditions because she is the one who was hurt.  Since she doesn’t have to take him back, she alone has the right to call the terms and conditions of the new relationship.  He must choose to satisfy those conditions or forever be without his true love.  That’s all. 

If you want to come back to God, have your sins forgiven, and experience unspeakable joy and peace in your life, then pray this simple prayer:

Dear Lord, I’m sorry for my sins.  Please forgive me for the wrong I’ve done and the      wrong I’ve been.  I want to be saved.  I believe that Jesus is the son of God.  I believe that He died for my sins.  I believe that He arose from the dead. I now accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior, and  I thank you for saving me.  Thank you taking me back and for giving me new life.

Welcome to your new relationship with Almighty God through Jesus Christ. You now enjoy all the benefits of being a child of God.  Now find a Bible believing, Bible studying church and grow in the knowledge of Jesus Christ.

Before you can lead (influence) your children and be a good father, you need a relationship of trust and openness.  You may need to regain your position as a loving, caring father.  Here are my top ten things you can do to become a better father:

1. Take responsibility and apologize— for any damage you did to them or the relationship.
2. Show humility – open dialogue into the areas that caused the most damage and let them know you want to put that behind and start new.  This step will also model courage.
3. Spend time with them doing the things they want to do – get to know them as people, how they look at the world, what their interests are, what they enjoy doing.
4. Always look for ways to encourage and provide recognition. Parents need to give their kids positive reinforcement.  They need to feel good about themselves and their relationship with you.
5. Reward them for good behavior,  and when they make mistakes, admonish them by attacking the behavior and not them as persons.
6. Tell them you love them – let them know they are lovable and you’re their number # 1 fan.  Help them develop a healthy self-image.
7. Help them figure out and discover their passion.  If your child is a creative person expose them to art forms.  Invest in their passion.  If music, and you can afford it, get them music lessons.  If its poetry, find out where there are poetry readings in the community or at the local college campus.
8. Be patient – no matter how much you teach and instruct, they will make mistakes and poor choices.  When they make mistakes, be patient.   This is when we can do the most damage,  particularly if we are emotional types. Take a deep breath and use those moments to teach about consequences and spend less time criticizing.
9. Give them some room to grow.  We tend to smother and that’s what can drive them away. When you know they’ve made a poor decision, you may want to let it go.  Create a safety net,  but sometimes we need our children to experience the consequences of bad decisions.
10. Challenge them…..to do the right thing in handling their business.  Challenge them to step out of their comfort zone into experiences and relationships that will help them grow.   

The Apostle Paul endured great pain, frustrations and humiliation in the work God asked Him to do and that was to bring the Good News of Jesus Christ to Jews and Gentiles.  He was hunted like an animal.  The mobs put a contract on his life.  They tried everything they could think of to trick the legal authorities into letting him go so they could take the law into their own hands.  Paul spent more time in chains than he did without them after his conversion on the road to Damascus.  He spent years defending himself in the court systems of the time proclaiming his innocence and that the only thing he could be guilty of was telling the truth, recounting the prophets and their prophesy of the coming of the Messiah in the old Testament.

Through all of that, Paul kept moving forward.  He kept speaking what he believed.   He stayed on course, never wavering from his purpose. 

At any point in time, Paul could have just said to his detractors “you know guys, you’re right”.  ” I don’t know what’s gotten into me.  I’ve been talking some pretty crazy stuff lately.  You know ever since I had that chicken dinner last night, I haven’t been the same.  Just forget everything I’ve been saying…..silly me.  Now take these chains off of me and let’s all go home, and let bygones be bygones”.  With those simple words, it would have been over.  He could have saved himself all the pain and misery he ultimately endured.  He could have saved himself, like many of us do when we give up, when we negotiate and rationalize away in our minds– our birthright, our God given purpose.

If he had given up, where would the Body of Christ be today?  Or who would God have raised up to pay the price and do the great work that need to be done to establish the early church. 

We all know Paul did not give up.  And that’s the point.  He believed with such intensity and his faith was so strong that he endured, and as a result, paid a tremendous price.   He paid a price to achieve the greatness of the assignment God gave him….to bring the message of Jesus Christ to a sinful world.

Greatness does not happen unless a tremendous price is paid.  If you want to do something great, you must pay a price.   Jesus paid a price…to bring salvation to the world.   Martin Luther King paid a price….to get America to look at itself and do the right and just thing.   Barrack Obama paid a price…….to prove that anybody who commits themselves to preparation, hard work and perseverance can become President of the most powerful country in the free world, regardless of race, background, or family connections. 

If you want to be great and do something of great consequence that will impact society for good, you must pay the price.

We must all come to terms with the plan that God has for us in lfe.  We all have some notion about our purpose in this world, but there are probably quite a few of us that have not reconciled the significance of that purpose or how it will manefest itself in the world.

Some might think its their goal to bring a beautiful singing voice to the world, but with that,  also attain fame, fortune, noteriety, money etc.  Would if singing is your station in life, but it came absent this other stuff?

Are we supposed to accomplish goals that make sweeping meaningful changes across society?  That capture the imagination of  the masses.  That make us a lot of money or  get us on the front pages of leading newspapers.  Or, are we just supposed to do the best we can and make the best of every opportunity to impact as many people that come our way as possible.

I believe it is not the sigificance of the accomplishment, but the impact of the work on the people  exposed to it.  MLK once said in his book “A Measure of a Man”,  that a man should be the best he can be regardless of his staion in life.  If a street sweeper, be the best street sweeper in the world.   If a dishwasher, be the best dishwasher.  Do your job with excellence, set an example,  and the light God has put in you will shine.  And that light will illuminate someone elses life.

You fit into God’s plan if you do that which he put you on earth to do and nothing more.  You may not become famous.  You may not make a lot of money.   You may not win awards.  But like the practice player on the basketball team, or the fifth string violinist in a 100 peice orchestra, you have a role to play and that maybe in God’s plan for you.

The role you play no matter how small, is as significant as the roll of the high profile star, the person that gets all the attention and sometimes all the credit.  In the making of a great movie, very often we don’t hear about the sound guy, or the costume person, or some supporting actor who did their part in the making of that great movie.  Those small players are just as critical to making greatness as the guys with the star power.

Well, God’s plan is to create a planet of people who love one another, and who work to transform and enable others to reach their highest God given potential.  And in the process, create a more perfect creation……the Kingdom of God.   He has created a role for you, a role enabling you to contribute. 

No matter how small you might think your job is, do it with excellence.   Do it as if your doing it for God Almighty.  Do it and let God use it to impact people.  Do it and let Him use you to build a society that seeks to love, uplift, transform, and just plain make life better for all who live in it.

There are 2 bible verses that move me like none have in a long time.   They are packed with promise, with power, and with potential.  They are:

John 14:12 – I assure you, most solemnly, I tell you, if anyone steadfastly believes in Me, he will himself be able to do the things that I do: and he will do even greater things than these, because I go to the father.

John 14:27 – Peace I leave with you: My peace I now give you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.  [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed: and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]

There are so many different ways to draw the power of these words into the heart.

First and formost,  read placing emphasis on what Jesus promises.   For example, that you can do the things that He does, and even greater things:  that He now leaves peace with you.

Second read with emphasis on the word “will”.   These are things that are already done or will be done if the condition (s) of the statement is satisfied.  God has already set in motion and caused certain things to be.  We just have to receive and beleive.

 Third, read for the things Jesus commands for us to do or not to do.   For example, He said “Do not let your hearts be troubled: do not be afraid”.   Those sound like  commands.

A person functions in 3 modes.  Your actions, disposition and emotional state can be driven by what you think, what your body craves, and by your  “will”.

It can be said the first two eventually determine what you “will”, the utlimate action.  On the other hand, the “will” all by itself also can be determinative.  In other words,  your behavior and emotional state can come from the “will” first.  So what am I saying?  I’ll give you an example.  Your body can crave a peice of chocalate cake and based on that craving, you will eat that cake.  You have just brought yourself, for that moment, into submission to the cake based on a physical craving.   OK, the mental part.  You can supress the craving, but you can go through the mental excercise of convincing yourself its OK to eat the cake, regardless of whether your hungry or have a craving at all.  So, the mental exercise can lead to eating the cake.  Now for the “will”.   The “will” is that one power or force that doesn’t succomb.  The “will” actually overrides the raw physical desire/craving to eat the cake.  It tells the mind to stop rationalizing.  Its as if the “will” is telling everyone….”this is what we’re going to do”.  The “will” brings every thing under submission.

Another quick example.  This is an exercise in the power of  Will.  Go make yourself comfortable and sit at your favorite spot in the house or backyard.  Close your eyes and concentrate on any three sounds.  Could be background noise, the hum of a refrigerator, birds chirping…whatever.  Now, identify the sounds in your mind, blackout everything else,  and simply try to focus on those sounds only for 5 minutes.

As your doing this, you’ll find that your mind wants to go somewhere else, think some thought, wander into a day dream.  Your body wants something and is trying to intrude.  It wants some water and maybe makes some unitelligable sounds.   Your “will” is trying to and is capable of overriding the mind and body to focus on those sounds.  Its that power that makes the decision to do the thing you have assigned it.

That’s the Power of Will.

Of the things people fear the most, surveys show the fear of public speaking is second only to death!  How can that be?  I know lots of people who do public speaking with such ease and seeming comfort.  Don’t you wish you had that sort of innate ability to be glib and comfortbale in front of audiences? 

Well, if your like me, the thought of public speaking can be daunting and depending on the circumstance, terrifying.  Having been in a variety of public speaking situations, some successful and some not so, I would say the process tends to be worse than the result.  The anxiety leading up to the event can be the worse feeling on earth.  To get control of the process and minimize  the “jouney”, the anxiety, I came up with 4 principals of public speaking that have helped me. 

  See if they resonate:

1.  Purpose – you must find meaning and purpose in doing the speech. What’s the payoff?  Are you sharing valuable knowledge and experience that someone can really use?  Are you trying to urge an action for a cause you feel deeply about.  Is the speech going to advance your career, get  that new job, a promotion, more money etc.  Indentify how the speech will move the needle for you.

2.  Preparation – there’s nothing like preparation.  Even the guys who speak professionally will tell you to prepare.  That means script your words and thoughts.  Never wing it unless you’ve given the speech a hundred times before.  And even then, you should write out a script because anyone can get brain freeze or forget some detail.

3. Practice – meaning rehearse.  Always practice your speech.  Its foolish not to.  If you can get away with doing a good job without practicing, think how much better you would be if you practiced.  Practice gives you the chance to workout the flow of your speech, to make sure your ideas tie together and to make sure you stay within your time limit.

4.  Prayer – I pray during the preparation process and before the speaking engagement.   I give all my skills, talents and abilities over to God so that he can use me to make greatest impact on those I’m speaking to.  I can’t control the outcome of an assignment, but I can sure mess it up if I come at with the wrong attitude or misguided sense of purpose.  I pray God puts me in the right frame of mind and spirit so that I will give my best and my best will have a positive uplifting impact on the listener.

Why do we allow certian thoughts and behaviors to exist in our lives? Why do we give them value. Seems like the things that really matter come so infrequently, hardly given any reflection, any time. There are so many good things, noble pursuits, admirable ways, altrustic goals and objectives, yet sometimes we invest more time in, say, what’s on TV, the trivial.

We give too much value to the trivial. That probably is why the bible tells us to seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added. All THOSE things are secondary to the things of God. We’re also admonished to focus our minds on things that are beautiful, lovely, noble, admirable, holy/pure, of good report, on the things above not on the things below.

How do we get there when we’ve spent a half century gravitating toward the trivial. How do you make the shift, find a new paradigm, a new way of thinking? How do you move away from the trivial, and toward the meaningful?

You do it through awareness…..awareness of how your past thinking has impacted your life. The more awareness, the more potential exists for your perspective to shift. You must learn to identify and reconstruct automatic thinking patterns and patterns of thought. You have to understand how those auto thoughts got shaped. Where they came from.

A pattern is something observed by you, that you pick up. When you pick it up, you repeat the pattern and it becomes you. If its a bad pattern, it may be holding you back or having a negative impact on your life. For example, you observed Dad express his displeasure with people talking at the commencement. He got up turned around and confronted. That is a pattern of behavior for him. I and my sister probably have been exposed to that pattern and have accepted that pattern as acceptable behavior. Therefore, that may explain why Deb and I can be short tempered or if pushed to a certian point, can get very emotional. At the same time, my passivenes could have come from observing my mother’s reaction to circumstances, which is quiet, humble, but can appear to be passive.

All that we are, are patterns of behavior that we have observed, absorbed and practiced. You will keep practicing those those patterns until you seek awareness, identify the patterns that are not you, that make you uncomfortable, then strive to change until you are free enough to define your world according to your views and your thoughts, and then to stand by them. At that point, you start being you.

You get to be comfortable with yourself when you no longer fear being challenged, rejected, when you no longer fear at all. You have to be comfortable with yourself. You have to be your own advocate. You must stand for something and for yourself. No matter what others think or whether your accepted or not, no matter the criticsim, you must stand by your convictions, and stick up for you.

I woke up this morning ready to reach for the blackberry, check my phone for messages, which I did, then started for the TV remote control. At that moment, I stopped, got back in bed, and in the midst of the silence, laid still. I let the noise of nothingness get inside of me. Instead of being consumed by the news on TV and messages popping out of the BB, I just let the silence, my inner throughts, the meditations of my heart consume the moment.

What rose to the surface were memories of things that had happened in my life, some lessons I learned, and most of all just how beautiful silence can be. I could look out the window at the rolling plains and really see them. I don’t mean glance at them and not really see tham as is typical while I’m running around trying to get ready for work. But really see, take it in, absorb their beauty. Really appreciate the vast expanse, contours across the horizon, blends of colors, shapes the trees and roof tops in the forground.

We allow so much intrusion in our lives from the background noise of TV, the buzz of cell phones, the beeping and vibrations of blackberrys. All of this consumes our time and mental space. It also suppresses so much of who we are. It masks our inner being. It shuts out creativity, intution and the meditations and cares of the heart. It keeps me from hearing Almighty God speak into my life.

Silence. What a precious thing. What a powerful resource, and you have complete control of it. No one can take away your power to create it anytime and anywhere. Try this. Take the next 3 mintutes and find a place of utter silence. Shut off all the phones, PDAs etc. Just let your innerself consume the time. At the end, reflect on the thoughts, emotions, ideas, feelings etc that came to the surface. Write them down. You’ll be amazed. Then, if you’re like me, you’ll appreciate the power of silence.